Dunno what to do

I really wanna kill myself I'm very angry somemore people are mocking at me I should not let them know who are my boyfriend because they can't keep my secret I only can trust that those who I meet outside they never ever tell anyone my secret!! Now I'm thinking can boys be trusted are boys always joking but no true to you when they say they wants to be with you ever in your life for sure they are just joking!! Now I really dunno what to do with does boy that have fallen in love to me I will not forgive myslef why I trust them but they don't trust me at all I am freaking angry right now just dunno what to do with myself?? Can anyone tell me who should I choose Patrick is a good and cheerful boy but ah da and ah bi are brothers how can the both of them fallen in love to me brothers somemore but ah da have tell me that he like me I must really chooes one if not once I grow up the 3 of them will fight because of me, Ah da and Ah bi have a fight because of me and it was infront of me they still fight because of me guess who win for the fight Ah da win for the fight and the both of them still don't give up they still want me but I already have Patrick I can't betray Patrick his the only boy that I have been serious before this is the first time!!